Ironic

I just think it is ironic that my counselor is on maternity leave. Yeah I know....
She wanted to make sure I was ok with her being my counselor after we lost the baby. I kinda wanted to laugh because I already have one =).
I am very grateful of this fact. I can't imagine going through this without having MarKay. Although I know I mentioned before that this scares me a bit. I really don't want to use my little one as my healing agent. I want her to be my daughter and not the source of filling my 'void.' I do believe that God planned it this way. I know that she is my beam of light, the reality that birth is a miracle, my hope, and the fact that God is good. So in all this darkness, thank you God that you have given me a ray of light. She is the biggest reason I don't turn my back, fall off the edge, and find the strength to move on.
My other reason? Jerry. I told him with our baby still lifeless in utero that I wanted to have 'this' make us stronger, closer together, and even more unified than ever. The road is tough but I am so grateful to have him. I have also said, I would never want to go through something like this without someone like him. That is another blessing.
So through all this, I am surrounded. Surrounded with love and life. I don't want to miss it.....