Death

If you haven't already done so, read "The Beginning" (my first couple posts) to fully understand my posts.

So death is really not such a great topic is it? Although, it is something that we will all experience and it is something that is inevitable. So why is it so hard to discuss?
After having death so close to me (literally inside me for a month), it has been a friend of mine. Tears, grief, anger, and confusion. However, sorrow and sadness can be so beautiful. You feel so deeply and so real that it is almost blinding. You must surrender to it and have no choice in the matter. This friend comes and goes as it pleases, most of the time he is uninvited. I have to say it has been so refreshing to have no control over the emotion, no way to mask it, no manipulation in it. It is what it is.
I fear that my friend will visit again. Because it has been so real, I really don't want another appearance. Sometimes I pray that MarKay will make it through the night. I pray on the road that a tire doesn't blow and I leave my child motherless. I get nervous when I haven't heard from Jer when I should have and pray God will spare me and bring him home safely.
But why worry about something I cannot control? Once again, this friend is uninvited. But until he shows up again, I will continue to pray and hope this fear soon fades away.
The deepness of grief will linger and the beauty of feeling so fully with remain and for that...... I am grateful.