Ok so I hate feeling like I am hanging by a thread. Life is tough. It will not stop, and it will not always be easy. This is not a new reality for me. What is new is the fact that I recognize that just because I love God, doesn't mean life will be a cake-walk. This has been a very rough reality.
Really it doesn't matter how 'good' of a Christian I will be. Life is still going to suck on occasion. I can't change the circumstances by trying to be better.
Jer came to me this morning with "the look." Yes the one where you say, "Oh crap, what's wrong?" Yes it was crap because he informed me that the neck on his acoustic bass had snapped off. Don't know how or why. Immediately I start to cry as Jerry hangs his head. Just another hurdle right?
Now, why can't I take things like this and say, "Don't worry, God is my strength." "He will make a way." "God is in control.".......I don't say those things because I don't believe them right now. However, I do believe in God. I believe that He is who He says He is and there will be a time when I can look back at all this crap and thank Him. But right now, I'm pretty pissed off. I won't turn my back, but I will take my time. Ultimately I want to be real with God, something I don't think I have ever been. I realize if I turn my back, I have no hope. The things of this world will suck and they will eventually fade away.
I'm tired of being tossed and tousled around like waves in the ocean when things are too much. On that note, are you sure God doesn't give us too much to handle?! Really?!.......I must be pretty damn strong then. I don't want to test that theory, trust me......
So for those of you who are not thrown off course when life hits, who stand strong and acknowledge God; I admire you. Because right now, I'm hanging by a thread.....
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Great blog Erin! Thank you for your openness and honesty. It is refreshing. I think everyone gets thrown off course when life hits if they were honest. It is where you go from there that makes the difference and I have no doubts that you will rise above. I have been feeling the same way lately (hanging by a thread) but I can see that God is holding that thread. If you would like some more encouragement, check out www.joniandfriendsradio.org - Joni does 5 minute daily devotions on there that are very uplifting. I have the honor of working for her org and it has been helping me keep my life in check :)
ReplyDeleteI know we don't talk like we should, but I miss you guys.
ReplyDeleteEverything you write on this blog is very honest and true. I like it. The way I look at it is we live by faith knowing that God is in control and will never let us fall. What most believers forget to realize is that evil knows that as well. The more strength we have in Christ to pull us through difficult times, the more evil tries to tear us down leaving us hanging by a thread. I always envy those who have fame and success who don't believe in Christ. Why don't they end up hanging by a thread? Well, why should evil waste their time with people who are living for themselves?
God will always protect and guide us through anything. When evil gets in our way and try to tear us down, God will lift us up...especially when our patience grow thin. We have to trust Him. It's hard to do on a daily basis when life brings unexpected disasters, but God needs us to learn how to believe. Life is a struggle, but we're on the right track. Love you guys.
Jeremy
I think everyone hangs by a thread at some point. But the point is that we keep on going. We have a very loving Heavenly Father who will not leave us alone, but he also can't remove every obstacle or we won't grow. But it's the love and support he sends us in our time of need that keeps us hanging on...even if it's only by a thread. Like my dad used to always remind me..."This too, shall pass!" And it always does! Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteSorry to butt in again...I just had to respond in reference to the comment above.....fame and success aren't everything...just look at Michael Jackson or DJ AM or the countless other celebs whose lives end in tragedy. I don't envy them at all. The rain and storms of life fall on everyone. But if you have your foundation set firmly on the Rock then when it pours, you will not fall and your thread will not break. Just keep holding on to that Rock and never let go :)
ReplyDeleteErin,
ReplyDeleteI have questioned God with the same thing. He says we won't be given more than we can handle and I have often cried to God that I am just not as strong as He thinks I am. I lived two years "hanging by a thread" and a few times even asked myself why don't I just walk away? away from church? away from my ministry? and away from Him? The simple answer: Where would I go? His simple reply to me was always; "Be still and know that I am God" . . so I was still . . and waited . . . and loved by my friends . . . God is still God no matter the circumstances and I cannot fathom a life without God in it. Praying for you both. . .