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Kim Kardasian Pant Size: a Look into Comparisons
One night I found myself fervently searching for Kim Kardashians pant size...From Google, TMZ, to ask.com, I was on a mission. A mission to make myself feel better. I had felt rather frumpalicious lately, 3 kids later, getting older,and past pictures had really put me in a funk about my body. So naturally I start looking up an icon, someone men drooled over and fantasized about. I needed her pant size....to compare.....to come out on top. Because if my pant size were smaller, than maybe I was beautiful too.
I've known for awhile that I'm hard on myself with my body image but I never quite understood why. I've lived in constant comparison mode of stars and people around me.
But as I sat searching, site after site I stopped....."why the heck am I doing this!?" I mean it's absurd and ridiculous. Why would it matter anyway? Would I hold my head higher if my pant size were smaller!? Or would I hang my head in shame because I didn't measure up? Either way I figured it to be a sad ending.
So I slowly put the computer down and ate some chocolate while surfing Facebook. Then I saw all the posts of pounds lost, work-out routines along with the diets that everyone posts and strangely enough, I found myself back at square one.
Funny enough, when I choose to compare, I discovered that I don't compare myself to someone that will make me feel worse. Clearly I wasn't going to look up a runway models pant size, I wanted a chance here. In fact one of my favorite pastimes when I'm needing to unhealthily pick myself up is watching reality television. Yes I know it is low-quality, maybe staged but I don't care. For the most part I can critique the character of these "stars" and feel pretty good about myself. I can come out on "top."
Trying to see an end at this comparison tunnel, I confided in a friend a little about my struggle. I'll never forget her telling me that her body image problems went away when she became a mom. She insisted that I would have more important things to worry about. Well when I did become a mom, she was right. I worried about my child sleeping, eating, surviving AND how I could avoid that awkward "congratulations!" when a stranger mistook my fat belly pudge for another pregnancy! Somehow I don't think that is what she meant.
My comparing abilities are vast and don't discriminate. I compare my childs development with others their age, my teaching abilities, and exercise routines. I see amazing pictures of homemade dinners that toddlers eat and parenting strategies. I've been known to compare Facebook friends and blog followers.....ugh shameful I know.
Perhaps the most frustrating part about comparisons is how to stop doing it. I've been told my whole Christian life that I "shouldn't" because God made me perfect in His image. I'm given several verses that support that. Or I might hear, jealousy is a result of comparisons and that's no good either so, stop. Just stop. So I try.....read my Bible a little harder, maybe take a hiatus from evil Facebook and then it's back. That's when I even compare my Christian relationship with those others that somehow can "stop" because they are just more awesome than me and my relationship with God.
The reality is comparisons happen. I often blame it on the media or on society's obsession to be skinny but the more and more I research shame and how it is prevalent in my life, I realize that comparisons are the root of shame. Shame makes me want to hide my secret search of Kim K's pant size, or that I would even use blog views or Facebook friends as a tool to make myself feel better. I don't want to admit it to myself, you, or especially God. How embarrassing to tell Him, my creator, that I'm just not satisfied with what I've been given.
Somehow I think that may be the key......reach the shame, reach the root of the issue. In order to reach the shame, I must give it to God. Man, I can only imagine how Adam and Eve felt in the garden. Come to think of it, Satan knew exactly what he was doing having Eve compare herself to God.
I never discovered the super secret answer to Kim Kardashians pant size (perhaps that is because of her shame). Yes, I was sad about that at the time but I did see the length I will go to in order to make myself feel better. I identified my source of shame, and the areas where I really excel at it. I see what the serpent puts before me. I can't say I've been vulnerable enough to give it to God, present myself completely, but I'm looking forward to that moment. Maybe, just maybe I will thank Kim Kardashian, Facebook, and reality TV for bringing me yet another step closer in becoming an authentic woman to my Creator and you.
