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While putting together a fantastic Pinterest recipe the other day, I opened the cabinets to get out the necessary spices. After sprinkling the goodness into the pot I needed another saucepan out of the bottom cabinet. As I read the next set of instructions, I realized I needed to get my serving spoon out of the dishwasher. Then another item out of the pantry, and another out of the silverware drawer. As I finally finished my last touches on the meal and got it in the oven, I was exhausted. Feeling accomplished I turned around and saw virtually every cabinet door in my kitchen open with every ingredient and utensil sprawled all over the place. After all the work I had put into the meal, I had so much more work to do cleaning up the mess.
I realized something that day that I've never known about myself.....I hate putting things away.
I don't mind putting the clothes in the washer and dryer, washing the dishes in the dishwasher, making my favorite dinners, or going grocery shopping. It's the aftermath of all these activities I naturally dislike. I wasn't aware of my discontent until I discovered this pattern. The laundry would stay in the dryer, a pile of hand-washed dishes would grow, and grocery bags would lay in the middle of my kitchen.
The task itself isn't bad, it's the extra effort it takes to follow it completely through that really gets me stuck.
And so it is my life. I'm getting used to spilling my guts, being real and just letting it all out. I've got everything laid out like a big fat mess all over the place. The task of getting to this point has been difficult but now I am able to do it with ease. Talking to "my people," getting vulnerable and authentic....dealing with my "ish" is starting to feel normal.
The recipe is complete, the hard work has been put into every detail in perfecting my meal but my cabinets are open and the messy counters are indicative of what is going on inside.
Ultimately I've become ok with the disheveled pantry and the unorganized tupperware shelf. I'm able to let my girls play with the utensils and throw them back in the drawer like a toy chest. I'm accustomed to the chaos inside, but I've also been accustomed to hide it.
I don't want to hide my mess with closed cabinet doors because I know there is a place for everything I've put out on the table. I almost feel like it's the home stretch, once I figure out a place to put all of my ish away, I will arrive.
But every time I clean out my cabinets, 3 months later the mess comes back, it just looks different. That's exactly how I feel. I put things away just to find my cabinets open to a whole new mess less than a week later. And so I become disheartened to come to the conclusion that I will always have a mess and be a mess.
Yet, as I pulled out the Pinterest masterpiece from the oven and took a warm bite of this piece of heaven I created I thought,"it was worth it". It was worth my time and effort, my sore feet and all. When I remember that bite of goodness I don't remember the mess I made or the clean-up I had to undertake. I remember the experience of the final product and that made it worth every blood, sweat and tear I had endured In the creation process.
So every new chapter I face on this journey, every new discovery, post, or pain; it is a new masterpiece......a new mess. I will take out the different ingredients the next recipe of life calls for and turn around to see the results of making it through. Putting things away takes time and just when I put it all back where it belongs, it's time to start all over again. So for every recipe that calls for pain, heartache, and frustration......I will look forward to saying, "it was worth it." Until then, clear the counters......I'm making a mess.
