I really want to be profound right now but I'm sooooo not! Lol!
Today marks my daughters 9 month mark and it would have been my boy (Jerin) 2 year birthday....
It is such a weird thought that if I were celebrating my son's birthday, I would not be looking at Piper pulling herself up to stand or crawl across the floor. I really can't wrap my mind around it.
I still see boys playing ball or in everyday life and I wonder what Jerin would have been like. I still miss him and can't wait to meet him. It's amazing that a piece of my heart has already left me here on Earth and is in heaven. I keep waiting for me to be "ok" about this but I don't think that will ever happen.
I've been learning a lot about God's Grace and really just trying to give that to myself before anything else... I still feel like I let God down with not being "Super Christian" these last couple of years...still trying to figure out how to be myself and love God at the same time. Ugh authenticity....it's really harder than it sounds.
One thing I do know I can do is love. Love on people and my children...give people a second chance....truly and honestly care. That is easy, because I do! If all else fails....love authentically, live authentically even if it isn't perfect.....being broken is real, it's something everyone can identify with. So when I feel like I can't be "good" at "being good", I can love.
Today, I feel joy and sorrow imperfectly and lovingly. I thank God and question Him at the same time. I'm blessed and angered all the while wondering if what I'm feeling is "allowed."
In the meantime I want to tell you, I care about you. Thank you so much for all your support and I offer you what I can do and do it well...my love.
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