A new year is upon me. This presents itself as a time to reflect, a time to close the cover of a portion in time and open the cover of a new potential. It's a great time to set new goals and resolutions. However, year after year, this has always been a problem for me. I like the idea of resolutions, I support those that make them. I even make them....kind of.
The bottom line for me is I love setting goals but I hate failure.
A resolution is by definition is "a resolving to do something." Resolving means, "to make a firm decision about." When looking up the word "goal" it stated, "the purpose toward which an endeavor is directed; an objective." None of these definitions speak perfection to me. They don't state anything about actually being successful in your goal. It's a decision, an endeavor towards something. I love the word endeavor, it speaks adventure, high mountain tops and low valleys kind of adventures.
My other problem with these "goals" is I am entirely too unrealistic. I don't want to just work-out, I want to look like the people in the work-out video. I don't want to just eat right, I want to be unhealthy in how I go about it. I want to be a great mom but not just that, I want to be super mom. I want to make wholesome, organic, healthy meals every night. I want to have family and personal devotions. I want a daily exercise routine and to start juicing. I want quality time with my husband (that includes date nights), my kids, and myself. I want more time to write and read and .....and.....and..... all this with church rehearsals, dance for my girls, homework, and my full time job teaching (which I want to be fantastic at also).
To be honest, I'm exhausted, defeated, and discouraged before I have even gotten started. I don't know how to have goals without failure.
But as I looked up the word endeavor, I saw comparable words or phrases such as "try, attempt, seek, struggle, battle, and take pains with."
Yes, yes. I can attempt any one of these goals, I will struggle and battle. And most definitely I will "take pains" with not hitting the mark. Seek....I will search, search, and search.
Isn't the point of a resolution perfection or perseverance? Isn't it about the journey, the chapter in our lives, and the lessons we will learn for trying?
So this year, 2014, although I have many "goals" I expect zero of them to be perfect. I expect many battles in which I lose. I expect highs and lows.
Because of this I have two true resolutions. The first one I have is to be kind to myself. If I can do this,the rest will fall where it may. If I can do this, each success and failure will speak deep into my soul, helping me grow without self condemnation. It won't matter if I don't obtain the super hero status. Now that's a real goal worth fighting for.
The second one is to live in the moment. I want to live in the triumphs and trenches. I want to let go of the perception that I have control of my circumstances. I want to release these clenched moments to God. I want to notice the sunsets, the snow capped mountains and the sparkle in my husbands' eyes. I want to freely giggle with my girls while chasing them around the house. I want to surrender, surrender, surrender. Surrender to my creator because He holds me so gently and diligently. Surrender to the year and what it may hold. Surrender to this chapter that has already been written.
So this year, I'm ready, I'm excited, I'm hopeful. Here's to you 2014....the great endeavor. Here's to not meeting my unrealistic expectations. Here's to loving and living life a little deeper. Here's to crying harder and smiling bigger. Here's to being k ind to myself and surrendering it all up......where my every day, every hour, and every second of this coming year belongs.
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