It's that time of year again when I find myself standing in a ridiculously long Santa line with my 3 and 5 year old. My parents, brother and nephews joined to make it an extended family affair. We all rotated in line and getting the kids dinner (that was a life-saver and I highly recommend it!). I started to get annoyed at the 1-2 hour wait and then it dawned on me that I would be doing this for only another 3-5 years before they figure it out. It was hard to believe that soon enough I would be looking at the line as I shopped with my teenagers, wishing I had little ones again. That thought helped my impatience a bit and finally it was our turn. The girls sat and showed Santa all their wishes on their list and smiled really big for the camera. My littlest finally sat on his lap and they truly had a magical time. My oldest was surprised he talked! All she thought he said was "Ho Ho Ho!" And so commemorated another successful Santa trip.
This year as all of this has come around again, it dawned on me that there will be a time just as I have had where what is "real" becomes questioned. I know they will figure out Santa has my writing and he looks different at every mall. I know eventually they will smile and nod when I tell them this gift is from Santa. They might hear from their school friends that he isn't real and wonder if this could be true.
What I also realized is that they will also do the same for their belief in God. They will experience this life and wonder if He is who He says He is. They will question His will and ways. They will hear from their friends different beliefs or the lack thereof. There will be a moment/moments when no matter how hard I try, all of what they know will have to be owned and truly believed by them.
You see they can get the foundation, the head knowledge, the stories.....but one day they will have to have their own relationship with God that I can't teach. My girls can watch and observe my relationship with God but I can't replicate it for them nor would I want to. This relationship, this moment where God is real to them is so personal, it's a fingerprint, a sacred secret that I can't wait for them to experience.
This world is cruel, heartless, and hard. I can't protect them from this. I know they will wrestle with how God fits into all of it, but another thing I know is He will always be there for them no matter what.
As I've struggled with my own relationship with God amidst all the hurt, pain, and suffering; I have often felt weak. Just when my questioning would get to a place of leaving the faith, I found myself surrendering to a deeper place. Just when I realized, my God was a holy Santa I knew I was living a lie. And I had to dig, dig, dig. I found amongst my rubble that there was a solid foundation of truth that couldn't be denied. I may not have understood it at the time, but it was too great and obvious to walk away from.
So as my girls see the holiday magic fade away through the years, I know they will have the foundation of truth poured into their hearts. As they question this Jesus Christ that they innocently grew to surrender to, I know in their rubble, He will be the foundation to rebuild on. As they rebuild, I pray that they too will know and love Christ with a fierce authenticity that I am growing to love about my relationship. I pray they understand that He is more than a wish list and that they can continually surrender to a relationship and not anything else.
So this season I will continue to stand in the Santa line, make their elaborate wish lists, and stuff their stockings. I know this too will fade and I have a few more years of these kinds of holidays. They might catch me touching the elf and realize my wrapping paper is the same as Santa's. They will question how Santa can get down the chimney if there isn't one and how the elf only moves when they are sleeping.
I also know they will question how God can know everyone's thoughts, and care specifically for them and even a sparrow for that matter. Or how He loves us despite our mistakes and lack of affection towards him. Or how He dwells within us and in heaven. I could go on, in fact I could do this all day....
Although the month of December has its holiday magic, each day I will pour the truth of Christ into them. I will continue to lay the foundation that will be there in their pain and struggle and I can't wait for the day that they become personal with Him through their questions and fears. And although I can't create that relationship for them, I pray I can show them one that is vulnerable, honest, and authentic every day of every year.
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