Christ as a Cover-up

Christ as a cover-up

Well this one is a tough one.  I've been feeling about writing this entry for awhile and just didn't want to.  But here it goes.

Some of you are Christians and clicked on this link out of curiosity on why I would ever say something like this.  Whereas some of you aren't.....but you probably know exactly what I'm going to talk about.

I believe that Christians (myself included) can be the most inauthentic people out there.   I don't think we try to or think that we are....it just happens.  Going on this horrific journey has sometimes saddened me with this reality.  It makes me wonder why 70% of people who are raised in the church leave it.  I feel this may be a big part of that.

As I've gone through shame and how we hide it, it is clear we set up many things to avoid dealing with it.  Losing my son made it impossible for me to hide my shame anymore.  It exposed all those areas where I put on a mask in order to not be vulnerable, in order to be super human.....perfect.  Even in the Christian world we play this game.  Who can be the "perfect" Christian?

Of course it is a silent game.  We aren't aware of it, we are in competition with getting Christ out to a broken world....so it makes it OK.  We are utilizing a "good" thing to infiltrate our lives......but are we really dealing?

I struggled with this so much.  Many hours of "I should" be OK because I have God.  I thought that's what everyone says.....that,"God does everything for a reason.". I had verse after verse given to me, people telling me they will pray for me and honestly A LOT of people just ignoring it altogether.  All of which did NOT help me and made me feel painfully alone through the process.  I kept envisioning those amazing speakers who had horrific stories but always said amazing things about how awesome they were because of God.  I struggled with why I didn't have that story.  Maybe I wasn't the "perfect" Christian.

But we know where this is going.....there is no such thing as a "perfect" Christian and quite honestly it was those imperfect people that I adored (and still do) through this whole thing.  I believe that once we use God as hope instead of a mask, we can really meet people where they are at.  The problem is we use God; for a mask, for good, for our selfish ends...we use God.  Or I should say, we try to use God.  We fool ourselves.

Point is we can't use God.  He is unusable!  And that, in our western
American consumer oriented frame of mind, is where we get the most of
everything upside down.  God is not "out there" to be used like a tool or a
credit card or fire insurance.  If we stop using God as a mask, then we may
see the opportunity to stop trying to "use" him...and simply be available.  Hurting with them, in the trenches, the mud, the madness.....meet them in their warped perspective instead of trying to change it.  You see, when we "can't" identify with someone's pain.....we tend to use the "God card" to meet our Christian quota.....or just avoid it altogether.

I wonder what God is thinking when we use the verses, the rhetoric, the religion as a device to cover rather than dealing with our deepest darkest pain.  It just isn't realistic.  I think that so any people leave because they can't keep up with the charade and it's easier to not believe than to not be real.

Here's the truth.  You can love God with all your heart, soul, and mind and be unimaginably angry with Him.  You can be messy, disgusting, and skip a quiet time and still have an awesome relationship with Him.  You can be painfully imperfect and graphically ugly and still sing His praises.  He is hope and life and he understands darkness more than anyone.

I have wrestled with God and been through my valleys.  I knew during these moments that I was distinctly inauthentic in my relationship with Him more than any other relationship I had.......because I wore Him as a mask.  Being a Christian helped my "perfect" and warped image that I had to uphold.

So..... I wrote a blog on imperfection, authenticity, and vulnerability.  Even though posting this makes me want to throw-up, I know it's an epidemic.  We are losing the fight with this and it is so important to be imperfect and not to shove Christ out there as a cover-up but as a means to our fractured end.

To end, I want to first apologize to those of you reading this that know me and have seen this in me.  Then I want to challenge you.....is your religion/ relationship with God a mask?