Humanity and Abandon

Humanity and Abandon

Over the last five years of my life my sole purpose has been to find/search/wrestle with authenticity.  In a world that teaches us that we need to be "perfect" or it tells us it's OK to cover-up our imperfections.....it's been a real challenge.  It's easy to blame society or "this day in age," but I've come across a woman in the Bible who is beautifully authentic and speaks so deeply to me.....Mary of Bethany.

We first find her in Luke 10.  Jesus is stopping at her home with her sister Martha.  Martha is the perfectionist and wants everything perfect for her Lord.  She is busy preparing things, cleaning, cooking, doing everything imaginable to make things presentable and worthy for Jesus' visit.  When he comes, Martha continues to serve and work diligently to make him comfortable.  Mary on the other hand is described as "sitting at the Lord's feet listening to what he said." Martha, being the big sister she is, complained to Jesus and asking him to tell Mary to start helping her.....after all, she was just sitting there.  I loved how Jesus responded, " Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken from her."

Mary knew how to have an authentic relationship with Jesus.  She knew how to put the "things" of this world that mattered to the eyes of others, and she abandoned them to sit at the feet of The Lord.  It was very controversial for her to sit at the feet of Jesus.  In "that day and age," sitting there, listening to him was considered a place of a disciple; a woman in that position was unheard of.  She was accepted as a disciple in His eyes.  He was her teacher, her friend, her everything.  She was soaking in every word he said, getting to know him on every level.  I'm sure they laughed and told stories, living life together.  She did choose what was better.....a relationship. Instead of getting wrapped up in perfection, she was herself, pure, and authentic.

The next time we see Mary, she is at the tomb of her dead brother Lazarus. When. Jesus heard of Lazarus' death, he came to the scene.  When Mary met him she falls at his feet saying,  "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." And then she cried, and cried, and cried.  And Jesus cried too..... with her.

Oh how she speaks to me.  I love how human she was here.  She wasn't afraid to be herself.....to tell the truth. She knew this was Jesus.....the one.....and she still was authentic in her pain and suffering.  She wasn't afraid to question him, to show him her disappointment and her grief at his absence.  So many times I find myself holding back my humanity.  I change my prayers to be more "appropriate" or "fit for a King." I hold back the dark and real parts of me as if I'm protecting God from it.  But really, I'm protecting myself from being raw and vulnerable.  Mary shows me that while she has her quiet moments of sitting at his feet, she also had her vulnerable moments of    admitting, "Where the heck were you!?"

 After this, we see her in John 12 anointing Jesus' feet with expensive perfume:

"Six days before the Passover, Jesus arrived at Bethany, where Lazarus lived, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. Here a dinner was given in Jesus' honor. Martha served, while Lazarus was among those reclining at the table with him. Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus' feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.

But one of his disciples, Judas Iscariot, who was later to betray him, objected, "Why wasn't this perfume sold and the money given to the poor? It was worth a year's wages." He did not say this because he cared about the poor but because he was a thief; as keeper of the money bag, he used to help himself to what was put into it.

"Leave her alone," Jesus replied. "It was intended that she should save this perfume for the day of my burial. You will always have the poor among you, but you will not always have me.”

— John 12:1-8, New International Version

Here I love how Mary shows complete abandon.  She doesn't hesitate in her actions.  She doesn't question Jesus, "hey, do you think I should save this for something more important?" Or, "am I going to need this later on?" No, she gives herself over to the cause.....no matter what anyone says.....no matter what the future holds.

I see this and even chuckle at my hesitancy in this world.  Even when it comes to giving things over to The Lord, I question and hesitate.  Sometimes even after knowing and hearing that "still small voice," I sit on it.....fear.....worry.  I wait and pray that extra long time in order to solidify my comfort.  But Mary knew she would face negative talk. She knew she might need this expensive perfume for the future, she knew that Jesus was the Son of God.....she had seen him raise her brother from the tomb.  That's all she needed.  Complete surrender and trust over to her King......her friend.

This wasn't just a man to Mary, it was her Savior.  She shows me a true authentic relationship with God that I can say I've never really had.  Since reading about her I hear my prayers becoming more human.....I see myself abandoning the things that really don't matter.....seeing the feet of Jesus and throwing myself on my knees in all of my humanity.  It's here that I know when I weep, when I question, when I'm myself.....He meets me there.  He weeps with me....He knows me....He's my friend.....He's my Savior.