The Day that Never Came: Due Date

We were standing in line to order food. Jerry and I were stooping over his phone looking at our calendar to solidify some working dates he had coming up. As he scrolled to the date in question, there is was: Baby Motto Due. November 6th was the day. We locked eyes and mine welled up with tears as the shock hit both of us like a tidal wave. "That's right," I thought, "I would be really pregnant right now."

As the date approached, it would creep into my mind....what would I look like? Would we know what it was? How would the girls react to my growing belly? Tears would well as I walked passed the baby section of stores. My heart would ache seeing those little onesies. As the holidays come closer I realize it would have been the first holiday season for our new arrival.

It's hard to find the words to describe the due date. Yes it is just another day. I got up, went to work as usual and am now sitting at dance class waiting for my oldest to be finished. But it's also an important day I will never forget. Just like June 10th will always be when our son was supposed to come. It's a day to be sad, a day to grieve, a day to wonder...just like all the other days have been since the loss.

It's also a day that I look at my two girls and revel in their presence. I am blown away at the blessings they are to me. Today I had two separate teachers complimented MarKay. The timing is no accident. Piper brings joy to all who come in contact with her, that too is no accident. Today is a time to rejoice and give glory to God for the treasures He has given me.

This journey has been full of paradox. Grief and joy co-exist on a day like today. I don't have answers, I don't know the future, and I don't know when this ache will end. Remembrance, although painful, is powerful.  And I am truly and honestly forever grateful for today, the day that it is......and the day it would have been.